I was going to wait until the 16th of May to write this, but in the end I figured now was as good a time as any. I’ve never posted anything too personal on this blog, so if that’s not what you’re into, I’d say it isn’t worth the read.
This photo was taken on the 24th of August 2014, at 11.03 in the morning. This photo was taken when I was in love with someone, and they were in love with me. It was my first visit to Newcastle, and next Saturday, I’ll be making my second – only this time, I’ll be alone.
Everyone’s been in love – or at least, they will be, at some point – and most people, unfortunately, will have their hearts broken. It’s nothing new – not even for me. But it always hurts. It always feels like the end of the world. For the past couple of months, that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. For a while, I’d been trying to deny the fact that I was reaching the end of a tumultuous on-off relationship.
Now that it’s over, I’ve found myself slipping back into bad habits that often rear their ugly heads when my mental health takes a turn for the worst. Luckily, I’ve realised by now what I need to do to make everything a little less difficult. I’m keeping myself busy, spending as little time alone as possible, and trying my best to push the whole ordeal to the back of my mind.
I booked a train to Newcastle for next week because I wanted to see my ex – I suppose at the time we were both still kidding ourselves that we could carry on. I guess now I’ll be using this trip as an opportunity to get over him. I’ll be using this trip as an opportunity to make new memories. I suppose I’m hoping it’ll be a bit like taping over something on an old VHS.
Yes, I had the best time here with someone I cared (and still care) about, and now they’re not in my life any more. Yes, this city holds bitter-sweet memories for me and it’s going to feel like shit for a while, especially when I set foot in it without them by my side. But you know what? I’m not going to let that get in the way of my adventure.
I’m going to see what I want to see and do what I want to do; be happy that I’m in a beautiful city, and that I’m not cooped up at home. I’m going to stand in the same spot and smile at the same view. Then, I’m probably going to post something on Instagram, tag myself there on Facebook, grab myself a coffee and head back home.
I guess, in a nutshell, I’ve been waffling on for 500 words about how I’m not okay. But I know it wont be long until I’ve picked myself up, met someone else and moved on. And it all starts now.